dear blonde haired blue eyed boy i met at the playwright:
i liked your sneakers, hair, night masks, sense of style.
if we passed each other on the street wed exchange a smile.
i would be bashful but each time youd come in -
i noticed, i saw and let my stories begin!
yes theyre made up and lame and untrue and i dont like to rhyme so i dont know what to do
im not a rapper like your brother
so forgive me from the start
but in my head you were my boyfriend and we were madly in love.
think im weird? cool call me grimey fine (thats a new one ive never gotten but maybe ill address that in time)
you gave your attention to your waitress amanda
"im onto you" i told her
"youll get him drunk and take advantage!"
"megan stop you are silly" (and so funny, im hilarious) but for that night you were mine! (in my head at least - momentarily.)
i could see you perfectly from my hostess stand
"we are in love" i would think, it was part of my plan.
"hes so your type" she said "hes laid back and nice"

Times before youve come in and id restart my imagination from the beginning
"i like your shoes" i said once (i think youre hott) - thats my translation.
in my head, thoughts would form.
"were in love, we will date! he'll ask for my number - this is it! this is fate!"
but your meal would end
and you'd walk out the door
oh well, i thought. just my luck, i can't score.
stood at the hostess stand, read some books, did some writing.
had faith that maybe one day i would find one.

But one wednesday night, i could tell something was different.
you came in, kept ordering drinks and i thought "YES! HES LOSING INHIBITIONS!"
"tell the boy i love him" to amanda i'd say "i'll give him your number" "no! no! don't!"

And Then!
craziness erupted
like a volcanoe on east broadway!
coplights, cop cars, all in front of the playwright!
"a rabied dog bit people!" - i guess you have a good imagination too - or you were drunk, whatever
i was talking to you!

"what happened megan"
"i dont know john"
yes i knew your name,
yes my plan was coming along!

a waitress lauren came up to me
"i saw you talking to your boy"
"yes, he knows my name"
i flipped my hair back to be coy.

THE SEED WAS PLANTED
and you were funny!
we kept commenting about the outside action
i felt like we were sports newscasters interpreting it action by action
what a good team, i thought.
though you were quite loaded.
its cool, i was off at ten, then i could join in.

i got off work, sat at the bar and felt like a queen.
"i'm 21, i'm allowed to sit here!" i said proudly
with a gleam in my eye and a fun sense of high
from the crush that i had -
then i started to thrive
alcohol was turning me even more alive
"yall dont know me" i said and i laughed and i talked.
you held a baseball in your hand, reminisced about a pitch.
i dont even know but we walked to your home and that was it.

you talked about "judging" and how you're judge-free
i told you about the story in my head about how "we're meant to be"
whatever, you gave me a SHEET to sleep with
and a night mask which i most appreciated.
i said i wanted to play guitar and you said you'd been playing for 17 years but you can't teach me because you suck.
we talked about your bro the rapper and you played me a song

I think creating things is incredible
and I listened with awe.

it was fun, yeah, a lot, i saw your viking hat and your grillz.
and your metal head massager.
i felt pimp wearing your blue robe the next morning.
i looked at myself in the mirror to the left of your bed.
i felt pretty and relaxed and happy.

but a few days later i met a boy. he gave me attention and we hung out and it was your roommate.

SHE WANTS HER CAKE AND SHE WANTS TO EAT IT, TOO.

Who goes there?
Can you quiet the mind?
Silence the heart?
NO!
What are you telling me?
Too much!
Too much!
Pause.

California. Dear California. Where are you? Can you hear me?

I want to fade.
JUSt KiDDiNg
I changed my mind
STORY OF MY LIFE . . .

why are you so hard on yourself little girl
open up, breathe,
let love unfurl. <3

dreams

WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?
A NEED TO SATISFY OTHERS?
ADVICE ALL AROUND
I CANT SILENCE WHAT THEY SAY.
CONTROL.
THeRe iS
Something
I have something to offer the WORLd!
Confusion. help.
Please!

"take care of yourself instead of away from yourself."

IM SICK OF
GETTING LOST
IN MY OWN
WORLD.
I WANT TO JOIN.

WHAT DO
YOU THINK
WHAT DO
YOU THINK
WHAT DO
YOU THINK

ARE YOU
OK
ARE YOU
OK
ARE YOU
OK

STOP

school daze in the library

I play games with myself sometimes. Sometimes I imagine there is a camera on me or other people looking at me. Sometimes I will close my eyes and then I will open them as if I am seeing everything in the whole world for the very first time. Like a child. Full of wonder and curiousity. Amusement in the smallest things, smallest spaces and places. It's so beautiful and so real. The image outside, right now... is fantastic. And real. It's the city. It's the city of Boston. Such strength and soul and history. There's the BC High Football field. And the sky...is so mesmerizing. It really is wonderful. And the sun is shining brightly. It's as if it keeps getting brighter. There is a greater force at work in the world, that's for sure. I don't know how I am a part of it all, but I am. And we all are, because we all are connected.
Sometimes I like looking at people and making them feel uncomfortable. It's like in our culture today if you spend too long looking at someone they get uneasy. It is not what one is used to. But I like it. And I like falling in love with everyone that I meet.

Acting

So, it is known that acting is a tough business. Just yesterday someone anonymously asked me why I even think I can actually act. I did not get a role that I tried out for. But big fuckin' deal! I'm gonna keep going and I'll stomp my way around til everyone knows me. Yall can suck my nonexistent hoohas!

Like the movie Chicago says, If you cant be famous, be infamous

BITCHES!!!!

"to realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation", the old man told him.

"and, when you do something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

the alchemist is my favorite book. one of them. (: i also am a big fan of the very hungry caterpillar.
here's a passage that helped me today:

"we who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: 'Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway.' We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.
I ask myself: are defeats necessary?
Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.
So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?
Because, once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure.

...If you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become and instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

What beautiful Language.

I am running to the gym then blockbuster to prep for a callback this Saturday. Then I have improv class at 6 at the Improv Asylum in Boston.

Fight the good fight, people. And God knows how good it is . . .

with love and sincerity,
Megan Anne <3

a seven nation army couldn't hold me back

in boston. at boloco next to emerson. do you ever open your eyes and imagine you're seeing the world for the first time? because each moment is new - you are constantly reborn and awakened to it. if you let it. if you are open to it. it will encompass you. and art, is everywhere. and joy, is everywhere. if you look inside, and find it. and open yourself. i.am.so.happy.and.grateful.for.my.life.right.now
<3 i love boston, i love the city, i love how i am doing what i want to do, and it won't stop, can't stop, get down baby get down!!!

man, this is the life. it has all the riches and all the wonder and all the opportunities that you could ever imagine. it's all there. it's waiting, for you to reach out to it. and grab a hold for it. and get hungry for it.

and then shake it all off, surrender, and just be.

enjoy it, every second of it. <3 cant be held back. :)

s m i l e ! ! !

with love and sincerity,
megan anne <3

... i want to say hi to everyone passing on the street
... i want to watch everything unfold
... but i want to be a part of it all as well
... and i am - i am - i am. open, expectant, strong, loving. powerful.

live and love loudly :)

"move toward love, and you can't get lost." - rabbi rami shapiro

I handwrote this in my journal from nearly a year ago. I wanted to share it with everyone. I have SO many journals it's not even funny. My mind's so active. That's why I like yoga to calm it, to quiet it.

"My life's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored."

"Nov 1st 2008 -
I want to be an actress
I am 20 years old and I want to be an actress.
I will do whatever it takes
I will not go back on my word.
I am 20 years old and I want to be an actress.
I want to be a great.
I want people to turn when they say my name.
I have these stories
I have this world
I am going, I am going, because I'm an extraordinary girl. <3

Today I am babysitting to gain money and maybe brainstorm ideas.
Life is too great, too strong, too precious
I can't resist its hold."

What a beautiful quote...
"Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the Earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in 1 year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get "real jobs," and their own fear that they'll never work again. Every day they have to ignore the possibility that the vision to which they have dedicated their lives is a pipe dream. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life - the cars, the family, the house, the nest egg.""But they stay true to their dream, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment - to that line, that laugh, that gesture or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another person's heart. In that instant, they are as close to magic, God and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes."
--David Ackert

and I LOVE where I am at right now
I LOVE that I am taking steps forward to make it happen
I LOVE that I am learning guitar tonight
I LOVE so much, and so hard, and so fast and so strong

"I cant resist the day / no, I cant resist the day..."

hahahahaha okay also in my journal I wrote:

"My random thoughts are somehow connected
and placed in my mind
in no particular order of course
I wear a headband. It has a
bow on it. I wear it in my car
people have dark sides and
light sides and today
it is light out
but when
nighttime
strikes
BE CAREFUL!"

and then I drew a Dinosaur.

HAHAHAHAHAHA HOW OLD AM I 5

"Nice pink backpack, ya twelve year old!"

with love and sincerity,
megan anne <3