poem i wrote

the boy from southie

my father died when i was young.
actually he didn't but he might as well have because he was never around.
my grandmother raised me.
she's my mom.
my biological mother is still alive
she acts like she raised me
but i know she raised nothing except her drink to her mouth.
she gave her energy and her love and her dedication out to the
menbarsdancinglatenights. she found freedom in her bottle
needless to say it was not a bottle of perfume.

i am afraid to admit that
addiction
does not fall far from the tree

i got married at 39 after a life filled with
alcoholpartyingroadtripswomenmusicmoviesartworkcomicbookvinyls.
i grew up barely getting by in southie.

when i got a nickel every week i would go down to the corner general store and buy a comic book.
i was the wealthiest kid in the city and i knew it.
my love for stories and artwork developed then.
when i'd walk down the street to the corner general store
i would see all the irish catholics who swarmed the streets.
they were all drunk.
my love for getting drunk developed then.
maybe seeing them helped develop my taste because that was all i knew.
maybe my biological mother helped develop it too cause like i said before
addiction does not fall far from the tree.

i went to college for a while but soon i needed a break so i decided to
go to california a road trip with three of my best friends.
we brought a video camera we documented drunken escapades
for three days we locked ourselves in a hotel room and suffocated ourselves with illegal substances
but it wasn't an escape from life
it was a celebration.
i was getting away from a girl named madeline
she came back into my life briefly when i came back into the state but
i did not want her anymore.
when you go across the country and you see all different sizeskindstypesbreeds of women
you lose sight of a girl who you thought broke your heart.

i never drifted away from my love of artwork and comic books
though i had to drift away from alcohol in order to survive and raise a family.
they say it takes one to know one.
i did not know of a father
but somehow i mustered up the courage to be one.
wait.
i did not introduce you to my love of music.
i used to go see the jug bands play in harvard square
vinyl's were jerry and i's life
he's my best friend i grew up with him
he passed away suddenly 5 years ago
heart attack in perfect shapre ran every day no one knew why really.
i guess he had a heart problem the doctors failed to detect.
that seems to happen nowadays doesn't it?
i am afraid to say his memorial mass was last weekend
and i am afraid to say i could not bring myself to.
there are certain things in life i have trouble facing
and i drown myself in other things
like food
i used to drink hard but i don't drink anymore but like i said before
addiction does not fall far from the tree.

i have been sober for the last 30 years
i got married at 39 i waited because i
did not want to fuck up like my parents did

my wife did not have "parents" either
but we have raised two kids of our own
they say it takes one to know one
but we have raised two of our own
we did not know of parents.

i was 39 it was time to settle down
and she loved me and i knew
and i loved her and i knew
and we have raised two of our own
nicholas and megan
and we tell them we love them every day
because we do.
and i live my life for them.