dear blonde haired blue eyed boy i met at the playwright:
i liked your sneakers, hair, night masks, sense of style.
if we passed each other on the street wed exchange a smile.
i would be bashful but each time youd come in -
i noticed, i saw and let my stories begin!
yes theyre made up and lame and untrue and i dont like to rhyme so i dont know what to do
im not a rapper like your brother
so forgive me from the start
but in my head you were my boyfriend and we were madly in love.
think im weird? cool call me grimey fine (thats a new one ive never gotten but maybe ill address that in time)
you gave your attention to your waitress amanda
"im onto you" i told her
"youll get him drunk and take advantage!"
"megan stop you are silly" (and so funny, im hilarious) but for that night you were mine! (in my head at least - momentarily.)
i could see you perfectly from my hostess stand
"we are in love" i would think, it was part of my plan.
"hes so your type" she said "hes laid back and nice"

Times before youve come in and id restart my imagination from the beginning
"i like your shoes" i said once (i think youre hott) - thats my translation.
in my head, thoughts would form.
"were in love, we will date! he'll ask for my number - this is it! this is fate!"
but your meal would end
and you'd walk out the door
oh well, i thought. just my luck, i can't score.
stood at the hostess stand, read some books, did some writing.
had faith that maybe one day i would find one.

But one wednesday night, i could tell something was different.
you came in, kept ordering drinks and i thought "YES! HES LOSING INHIBITIONS!"
"tell the boy i love him" to amanda i'd say "i'll give him your number" "no! no! don't!"

And Then!
craziness erupted
like a volcanoe on east broadway!
coplights, cop cars, all in front of the playwright!
"a rabied dog bit people!" - i guess you have a good imagination too - or you were drunk, whatever
i was talking to you!

"what happened megan"
"i dont know john"
yes i knew your name,
yes my plan was coming along!

a waitress lauren came up to me
"i saw you talking to your boy"
"yes, he knows my name"
i flipped my hair back to be coy.

THE SEED WAS PLANTED
and you were funny!
we kept commenting about the outside action
i felt like we were sports newscasters interpreting it action by action
what a good team, i thought.
though you were quite loaded.
its cool, i was off at ten, then i could join in.

i got off work, sat at the bar and felt like a queen.
"i'm 21, i'm allowed to sit here!" i said proudly
with a gleam in my eye and a fun sense of high
from the crush that i had -
then i started to thrive
alcohol was turning me even more alive
"yall dont know me" i said and i laughed and i talked.
you held a baseball in your hand, reminisced about a pitch.
i dont even know but we walked to your home and that was it.

you talked about "judging" and how you're judge-free
i told you about the story in my head about how "we're meant to be"
whatever, you gave me a SHEET to sleep with
and a night mask which i most appreciated.
i said i wanted to play guitar and you said you'd been playing for 17 years but you can't teach me because you suck.
we talked about your bro the rapper and you played me a song

I think creating things is incredible
and I listened with awe.

it was fun, yeah, a lot, i saw your viking hat and your grillz.
and your metal head massager.
i felt pimp wearing your blue robe the next morning.
i looked at myself in the mirror to the left of your bed.
i felt pretty and relaxed and happy.

but a few days later i met a boy. he gave me attention and we hung out and it was your roommate.