untitled

2010-03-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

dear blonde haired blue eyed boy i met at the playwright:
i liked your sneakers, hair, night masks, sense of style.
if we passed each other on the street wed exchange a smile.
i would be bashful but each time youd come in -
i noticed, i saw and let my stories begin!
yes theyre made up and lame and untrue and i dont like to rhyme so i dont know what to do
im not a rapper like your brother
so forgive me from the start
but in my head you were my boyfriend and we were madly in love.
think im weird? cool call me grimey fine (thats a new one ive never gotten but maybe ill address that in time)
you gave your attention to your waitress amanda
"im onto you" i told her
"youll get him drunk and take advantage!"
"megan stop you are silly" (and so funny, im hilarious) but for that night you were mine! (in my head at least - momentarily.)
i could see you perfectly from my hostess stand
"we are in love" i would think, it was part of my plan.
"hes so your type" she said "hes laid back and nice"

Times before youve come in and id restart my imagination from the beginning
"i like your shoes" i said once (i think youre hott) - thats my translation.
in my head, thoughts would form.
"were in love, we will date! he'll ask for my number - this is it! this is fate!"
but your meal would end
and you'd walk out the door
oh well, i thought. just my luck, i can't score.
stood at the hostess stand, read some books, did some writing.
had faith that maybe one day i would find one.

But one wednesday night, i could tell something was different.
you came in, kept ordering drinks and i thought "YES! HES LOSING INHIBITIONS!"
"tell the boy i love him" to amanda i'd say "i'll give him your number" "no! no! don't!"

And Then!
craziness erupted
like a volcanoe on east broadway!
coplights, cop cars, all in front of the playwright!
"a rabied dog bit people!" - i guess you have a good imagination too - or you were drunk, whatever
i was talking to you!

"what happened megan"
"i dont know john"
yes i knew your name,
yes my plan was coming along!

a waitress lauren came up to me
"i saw you talking to your boy"
"yes, he knows my name"
i flipped my hair back to be coy.

THE SEED WAS PLANTED
and you were funny!
we kept commenting about the outside action
i felt like we were sports newscasters interpreting it action by action
what a good team, i thought.
though you were quite loaded.
its cool, i was off at ten, then i could join in.

i got off work, sat at the bar and felt like a queen.
"i'm 21, i'm allowed to sit here!" i said proudly
with a gleam in my eye and a fun sense of high
from the crush that i had -
then i started to thrive
alcohol was turning me even more alive
"yall dont know me" i said and i laughed and i talked.
you held a baseball in your hand, reminisced about a pitch.
i dont even know but we walked to your home and that was it.

you talked about "judging" and how you're judge-free
i told you about the story in my head about how "we're meant to be"
whatever, you gave me a SHEET to sleep with
and a night mask which i most appreciated.
i said i wanted to play guitar and you said you'd been playing for 17 years but you can't teach me because you suck.
we talked about your bro the rapper and you played me a song

I think creating things is incredible
and I listened with awe.

it was fun, yeah, a lot, i saw your viking hat and your grillz.
and your metal head massager.
i felt pimp wearing your blue robe the next morning.
i looked at myself in the mirror to the left of your bed.
i felt pretty and relaxed and happy.

but a few days later i met a boy. he gave me attention and we hung out and it was your roommate.

2010-03-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

SHE WANTS HER CAKE AND SHE WANTS TO EAT IT, TOO.

Who goes there?
Can you quiet the mind?
Silence the heart?
NO!
What are you telling me?
Too much!
Too much!
Pause.

California. Dear California. Where are you? Can you hear me?

I want to fade.
JUSt KiDDiNg
I changed my mind
STORY OF MY LIFE . . .

why are you so hard on yourself little girl
open up, breathe,
let love unfurl. <3

dreams

WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?
A NEED TO SATISFY OTHERS?
ADVICE ALL AROUND
I CANT SILENCE WHAT THEY SAY.
CONTROL.
THeRe iS
Something
I have something to offer the WORLd!
Confusion. help.
Please!

"take care of yourself instead of away from yourself."

IM SICK OF
GETTING LOST
IN MY OWN
WORLD.
I WANT TO JOIN.

WHAT DO
YOU THINK
WHAT DO
YOU THINK
WHAT DO
YOU THINK

ARE YOU
OK
ARE YOU
OK
ARE YOU
OK

STOP

school daze in the library

2010-02-18T13:07:00.001-08:00

I play games with myself sometimes. Sometimes I imagine there is a camera on me or other people looking at me. Sometimes I will close my eyes and then I will open them as if I am seeing everything in the whole world for the very first time. Like a child. Full of wonder and curiousity. Amusement in the smallest things, smallest spaces and places. It's so beautiful and so real. The image outside, right now... is fantastic. And real. It's the city. It's the city of Boston. Such strength and soul and history. There's the BC High Football field. And the sky...is so mesmerizing. It really is wonderful. And the sun is shining brightly. It's as if it keeps getting brighter. There is a greater force at work in the world, that's for sure. I don't know how I am a part of it all, but I am. And we all are, because we all are connected.
Sometimes I like looking at people and making them feel uncomfortable. It's like in our culture today if you spend too long looking at someone they get uneasy. It is not what one is used to. But I like it. And I like falling in love with everyone that I meet.

Acting

2010-02-17T19:29:00.000-08:00

So, it is known that acting is a tough business. Just yesterday someone anonymously asked me why I even think I can actually act. I did not get a role that I tried out for. But big fuckin' deal! I'm gonna keep going and I'll stomp my way around til everyone knows me. Yall can suck my nonexistent hoohas!

Like the movie Chicago says, If you cant be famous, be infamous

BITCHES!!!!

"to realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation", the old man told him.

2010-01-21T11:22:00.001-08:00

"and, when you do something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

the alchemist is my favorite book. one of them. (: i also am a big fan of the very hungry caterpillar.
here's a passage that helped me today:

"we who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: 'Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway.' We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.
I ask myself: are defeats necessary?
Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.
So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?
Because, once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure.

...If you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become and instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

What beautiful Language.

I am running to the gym then blockbuster to prep for a callback this Saturday. Then I have improv class at 6 at the Improv Asylum in Boston.

Fight the good fight, people. And God knows how good it is . . .

with love and sincerity,
Megan Anne <3

a seven nation army couldn't hold me back

2009-10-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

in boston. at boloco next to emerson. do you ever open your eyes and imagine you're seeing the world for the first time? because each moment is new - you are constantly reborn and awakened to it. if you let it. if you are open to it. it will encompass you. and art, is everywhere. and joy, is everywhere. if you look inside, and find it. and open yourself. i.am.so.happy.and.grateful.for.my.life.right.now
<3 i love boston, i love the city, i love how i am doing what i want to do, and it won't stop, can't stop, get down baby get down!!!

man, this is the life. it has all the riches and all the wonder and all the opportunities that you could ever imagine. it's all there. it's waiting, for you to reach out to it. and grab a hold for it. and get hungry for it.

and then shake it all off, surrender, and just be.

enjoy it, every second of it. <3 cant be held back. :)

s m i l e ! ! !

with love and sincerity,
megan anne <3

... i want to say hi to everyone passing on the street
... i want to watch everything unfold
... but i want to be a part of it all as well
... and i am - i am - i am. open, expectant, strong, loving. powerful.

live and love loudly :)

"move toward love, and you can't get lost." - rabbi rami shapiro

2009-10-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

I handwrote this in my journal from nearly a year ago. I wanted to share it with everyone. I have SO many journals it's not even funny. My mind's so active. That's why I like yoga to calm it, to quiet it.

"My life's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored."

"Nov 1st 2008 -
I want to be an actress
I am 20 years old and I want to be an actress.
I will do whatever it takes
I will not go back on my word.
I am 20 years old and I want to be an actress.
I want to be a great.
I want people to turn when they say my name.
I have these stories
I have this world
I am going, I am going, because I'm an extraordinary girl. <3

Today I am babysitting to gain money and maybe brainstorm ideas.
Life is too great, too strong, too precious
I can't resist its hold."

What a beautiful quote...
"Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the Earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in 1 year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get "real jobs," and their own fear that they'll never work again. Every day they have to ignore the possibility that the vision to which they have dedicated their lives is a pipe dream. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life - the cars, the family, the house, the nest egg.""But they stay true to their dream, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment - to that line, that laugh, that gesture or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another person's heart. In that instant, they are as close to magic, God and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes."
--David Ackert

and I LOVE where I am at right now
I LOVE that I am taking steps forward to make it happen
I LOVE that I am learning guitar tonight
I LOVE so much, and so hard, and so fast and so strong

"I cant resist the day / no, I cant resist the day..."

hahahahaha okay also in my journal I wrote:

"My random thoughts are somehow connected
and placed in my mind
in no particular order of course
I wear a headband. It has a
bow on it. I wear it in my car
people have dark sides and
light sides and today
it is light out
but when
nighttime
strikes
BE CAREFUL!"

and then I drew a Dinosaur.

HAHAHAHAHAHA HOW OLD AM I 5

"Nice pink backpack, ya twelve year old!"

with love and sincerity,
megan anne <3

personal essay

2009-02-22T16:10:00.000-08:00

they say actions speak louder than words
your words told me you cared, but your actions left me in tears
(alcohol isn't a stable ground for anyone)

I met him and I was attracted to him. Maybe it was because he can sing, or because he lived in LA, or he was in a professional band for three years. Maybe it was because he has a captivating smile and really great eyes. Maybe it's because I'm attracted to all the wrong things.
We met and connected through alcohol. I kept pouring the drinks into my body and pouring my inhibitions out. I still had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop me from waking up next to another guy.
"You passed the test," he smiled. "You still look cute when you wake up in the morning."
My boyfriend and I were over.
I depended on him too much anyway.
I just wanted to have some fun.
We kept partying, kept drinking, kept waking up next to each other, for whatever reason.
Whatever happens will happen, I said. I tried not taking anything too seriously, although we did keep waking up next to each other - even when we weren't partying.
On Valentine's Day he recorded me a cover of a song entitled "I'm Yours." It seemed like he actually did care about me.
Sometimes I would sleep over his plavce, and then not hear from him at all the next day.
That's okay, I thought, we're just having fun, we're not officially together or anything.
Whatever happens will happen.
I tried to play it cool, but when it comes to my emotions, I'm fragile.
I should have known better.
I tried to push aside the fact that I cared, but for some reason I couldn't.
My friend told me to tell him how I felt.
It was easy for me to open myself up to him physically - but emotionally?
I still wanted to deny it.
One night, with my friend's advice in mind, I wrote in my journal all of my thoughts and feelings towards him. I was preparing myself for what I would say to him. I concluded my writing by saying that quite simply, I just liked him. There wasn't anyone else.
A few hours later, he called me and told me he'd been hanging out with another girl.
"Sorry if I ruined your night," he said.
"It's not ruined. I don't want to talk. I'm going to bed."
I walked straight in the bathroom and took out my contacts.
Then I stared at myself for a good, long, time.
I saw the pain in my eyes.
I started to cry, but then I made myself stop.
I took a deep breath in and I stopped.
Whatever happens will happen.
I walked back into my bedroom and crawled into my bed.
Without stopping myself, I broke.
I let the tears flow and in that moment, I didn't deny anything.

poem i wrote

2009-02-22T15:56:00.000-08:00

the boy from southie

my father died when i was young.
actually he didn't but he might as well have because he was never around.
my grandmother raised me.
she's my mom.
my biological mother is still alive
she acts like she raised me
but i know she raised nothing except her drink to her mouth.
she gave her energy and her love and her dedication out to the
menbarsdancinglatenights. she found freedom in her bottle
needless to say it was not a bottle of perfume.

i am afraid to admit that
addiction
does not fall far from the tree

i got married at 39 after a life filled with
alcoholpartyingroadtripswomenmusicmoviesartworkcomicbookvinyls.
i grew up barely getting by in southie.

when i got a nickel every week i would go down to the corner general store and buy a comic book.
i was the wealthiest kid in the city and i knew it.
my love for stories and artwork developed then.
when i'd walk down the street to the corner general store
i would see all the irish catholics who swarmed the streets.
they were all drunk.
my love for getting drunk developed then.
maybe seeing them helped develop my taste because that was all i knew.
maybe my biological mother helped develop it too cause like i said before
addiction does not fall far from the tree.

i went to college for a while but soon i needed a break so i decided to
go to california a road trip with three of my best friends.
we brought a video camera we documented drunken escapades
for three days we locked ourselves in a hotel room and suffocated ourselves with illegal substances
but it wasn't an escape from life
it was a celebration.
i was getting away from a girl named madeline
she came back into my life briefly when i came back into the state but
i did not want her anymore.
when you go across the country and you see all different sizeskindstypesbreeds of women
you lose sight of a girl who you thought broke your heart.

i never drifted away from my love of artwork and comic books
though i had to drift away from alcohol in order to survive and raise a family.
they say it takes one to know one.
i did not know of a father
but somehow i mustered up the courage to be one.
wait.
i did not introduce you to my love of music.
i used to go see the jug bands play in harvard square
vinyl's were jerry and i's life
he's my best friend i grew up with him
he passed away suddenly 5 years ago
heart attack in perfect shapre ran every day no one knew why really.
i guess he had a heart problem the doctors failed to detect.
that seems to happen nowadays doesn't it?
i am afraid to say his memorial mass was last weekend
and i am afraid to say i could not bring myself to.
there are certain things in life i have trouble facing
and i drown myself in other things
like food
i used to drink hard but i don't drink anymore but like i said before
addiction does not fall far from the tree.

i have been sober for the last 30 years
i got married at 39 i waited because i
did not want to fuck up like my parents did

my wife did not have "parents" either
but we have raised two kids of our own
they say it takes one to know one
but we have raised two of our own
we did not know of parents.

i was 39 it was time to settle down
and she loved me and i knew
and i loved her and i knew
and we have raised two of our own
nicholas and megan
and we tell them we love them every day
because we do.
and i live my life for them.

sex and the city!!!!!!

2008-12-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

and time really does fly, huh? this time last year i was coming home from california, from a BEAUTIFUL trip to california with my friend shannon. i do miss it so much <3 so much.
today i applied to a study abroad program in London for Theatre.
I do love theatre, but I want to do film.

I just finished watching the director's commentary for the movie "sex and the city." wow!
I love how much collaboration goes into film and theatre. actors, writers, costumers, set designers, artists, music choices, producers, directors!
oh my.
listening to the director's voice was wonderful.

the movie was great.
can you imagine...carrie bradshaw...being carrie bradshaw is your JOB? sexy designer outfits and looking absolutely FABULOUS during every shoot (except of course when she is upset and sad...booo to Mr. Big!)
but honestly.
acting acting acting i want it all
i want to write
i love the director's commentary
i watched that even before i watched the movie

and oh my, jennifer hudson! how real! how strong! how authentic!
and kristin davis as Charlotte is truly my hero. I am not like her at all. in the least. but she is the most jackie O of the bunch and i love it. i adore it.

i would love to be a journalist like carrie. but i imagine they don't live as glamorous lives as she does...
unless they are successful, yes?
who knows.
i am happy, i know i will be happy with whatever i decide to commit my life to truly.

LOVE IT

love and sincerity
megan anne

being snowed in is lovely and lazy and comfortable

2008-12-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

i have been extra introspective lately. probably because of the snow. it's snowed a lot - blizzard! and there is nothing sweeter than waking up and looking out your window to an array of white earth. white on the trees, on the ground, on the cars, on the homes. driving down the neighborhood, there is a giant snowman.

i haven't left my house today. yesterday i ventured out of my house and the WHEEL TO MY CAR FELL OFF. i mean really, who does that happen to except me? worst luck. and of course it happened in the middle of a parking lot. and all these cars were honking at me, and a cop pulled up and said "Uh, are you just going to stay parked THERE?" and i said "well, officer... (points to my wheel) my wheel just fell off of my car." "oh..uh...good luck."
but i got to see one of my best friend's mothers, who waited with me until my mom came. and she kept saying that i was blessed, and there is a reason why i'm still here, and why i wasn't on the highway when it happened.
and i am grateful that i was in plymouth, and not in the city, when my mom couldn't have come to the rescue, per usual.

i have enjoyed these days...
i have been thinking about what i really want in life.
i have been loving everything, i have been really soaking up experience and words and literature.

i am very grateful emily lent me the sorrows of young werther - which is a book my dad read and wrote a paper on when HE was in college. and he is 63 years old.

the little things, the little things...that's what i love
i love the fact that my dad is 63 years old
and i am 20
and we can both bond over a book written in the 1700s.

my brother is 19 years old. and sometimes i think, if he wasn't my brother, we probably wouldn't be friends. because we have different styles of music, different friends, etc...
but i am so grateful life turned out like this
i am so grateful for my family and my friends and for this beautiful snow...

I feel like in our culture, it's often always GO GO GO. go go go, watch something to turn away from how you feel, or go go go to make the paycheck and pay the bills and
wouldn't it be wonderful
wouldn't it be lovely
to just stop and admire and be at peace?

and i feel like the snow, Nature...has the power to do that.
it has let me do that today.
i am still in my bed, at 4 pm, in my underwear and my tank top, typing away thoughts on this blog.
i have had so many thoughts today, so many wonderful things going through my mind...i couldn't even begin to start!

but i am just very, grateful.
very, very grateful!

with love and sincerity
megan anne

2008-12-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

author Storm Jameson:
"There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle."

I love life, so much, and all that it has to offer. I adore all of my friends. I love feeling peaceful. I love how I walked into Rite Aid today and a woman had a crisp, clear, youthful voice. I commented on it and she said, "Do you need a job? I am revamping my store and I want nice people to work here."

Right now, I am experiencing peace.
I am reading a book called "Radical Acceptance" which I've wanted to read since the Summer. Today I went to a dermotologist appointment for my skin and I went to my primary care doctor. I have this secret, deep fear that I am going to become an alcoholic. Weird, right??
Or that for some reason, I am not going to make it to doctor's appointments.
Because of being in paralyzed moods, where you just don't want to do anything.
Going to a doctor's appointment, to some, doesn't seem like a big deal. I am accepting feelings I have. I am done punishing myself and not having limitations. I don't know what I am, I don't know who I am, but I am going along for the ride, for the journey.

My brother is in the room with me, the same room I've stayed in since I was six years old. The walls have changed colors, and so hasn't my hair. My weight has been different and so haven't my moods - Drastically. But this room holds a lot. It holds so much, so much life. And I am so grateful for it. I am so grateful for my television, for my laptop, for my clothing. For my brother.
For my family.
It's not perfect. It's not even close. Everyone has their own lives...

But I am accepting it all, and I am grateful for it all. I cannot change my parents, nor do I want to. I can change my living situation, and I am getting an apartment in January with my brother. I know I will grow more when I am away from home. I know it will happen.

with much love and sincerity
megan anne

technology

2008-11-16T06:19:00.001-08:00

I hate technology. I hate it. Yes, it makes life easier. It makes life lazier. We listen to music on Ipods instead of actually going out and hearing them perform. We buy, we spend, we do nothing. We connect over the internet instead of actually talking to them in real life. Even calling someone on the phone starts to turn into a hassle. I don't get it. This seems cynical and negative, and I apologize, but I am mainly saying this because I was all ready to sign up for my spring classes and then i went to my degree audit to see which courses i still need to take

i hate college too but that's a different post

and blablabla it didn't work so i have to do it some other time!

i like technology though because i can talk to cool people like jonny silva on facebook IM chat or whatever.

but whatever

this is obviously a post of feeling. i could post more but im not going to...ummm

my newest obsession is eric hutchinson:
“I tried really hard to keep it organic,” he says. “Music is human expression and what’s more human than to make a mistake? So to record something and then take out all the mistakes leaves the project with no soul to it.”

Love Love Love~!!!!

And I lied i love college. i just don't love how we are required to take certain classes and all that bullshit.

look at all this mush!

2008-11-14T07:57:00.000-08:00

i read the clean house by sarah ruhl today and then i decided to research her life. she is great! she is amazing. i need to research more! i want to, anyway.
i love my life. anyway, i wish i could actually send these letters out but i have wasted the day. it was a day well-wasted, well-spent. i like deciding my own time. i thank you god for being there and for allowing me to connect with myself like so. i cannot wait to be a writer. and an actor. and whatever else i want to be. i just posted some lines from the clean house which i really enjoyed. i love words, i love literature.

Matilde:
"The perfect joke makes you forget about your life. The perfect joke makes you remember about your life. The perfect joke is stupid when you write it down. The perfect joke was not made up by one person. It passed through the air and you caught it. The perfect joke is somewhere between an angel and a fart."

"A good joke cleans your insides out. If I don't laugh for a week, I feel dirty."

"My mother once told me: Matilde, in order to tell a good joke, you have to believe that your problems are very small, and that the world is very big. She said: if more women knew more jokes, there would be more justice in this world."

Lane: "I dont read magazines, Virginia. I go to work exhausted and I come home exhausted. That is how most of the people in this country function. At least people who have jobs."

Lane: "Oh - it's just - I keep meaning to have you two over for dinner. It's ridiculous - living so close and never seeing each other."
Virginia: "You're right. Maybe next week?"
Lane: "Next week is crazy. But soon."

Lane: I've never been jealous, I've never been suspicious. I've never thought any other woman was my equal. I'm the best doctor. I'm the smartest, the most well-loved by my patients. I'm athletic. I have poise. I've aged well. I can talk to anyone and be on equal footing. How, I thought, could he even look at anyone else. It would be absurd.
Lane: I was blind. He didn't want a doctor. He wanted a housewife.

Virginia:
I wake up in the morning, and I wish that I could sleep through the whole day, but there I am, I'm awake.
So I get out of bed. I make eggs for my husband. I throw the eggshells in the disposal. I listen to the sound of delicate eggshells being ground by an indelicate machine. I clean the sink. I sweep the floor. I wipe coffee grounds from the counter.
I might have done something different with my life. I might have been a scholar. I might have described one particular ruin with the cold-blooded poetry of which only a first-rate scholar is capable. Why didn't I?
Virginia:
I wanted something - big. I didn't know how to ask for it. Don't blame Matilde. Blame me. I wanted - a task.

Ana:
I am not a home-wrecker. The last time I fell in love it was with my husband, a long time ago. He was a geologist and a very wild man, an alcoholic. But so fun! So crazy! He peed on lawns and did everything bad and I loved it. But I did not want to have children with him because he was too wild, too crazy. I said you have to stop drinking and then he did stop drinking and then he died of cancer when he was thirty-one.

My heart was broken and I said to myself: I will never love again. And I didn't. I thought I was going to meet my husband in some kind of afterlife with fabulous rocks. Blue and green rocks. And then I met Charles. When Charles said he was married I said Charles we should stop but then Charles referred to Jewish law and I had to say that I agreed and that was that. I wanted you to understand.

Charles:
I'm sorry that it happened to you, Lane. It could just as well have happened the other way. You might have met your bashert, and I would have been forced to make way. There are things - big invisible things-that come unannounced - they walk in, and we have to give way. I would even congratulate you. Because I have always loved you.

Virginia:
Excuse me. But I think that people who are in love - really in love - would like to clean up after each other. If I were in love with Charles I would enjoy folding his laundry.

Charles:
Lane. I don't expect you to - understand this - immediately. But since this thing - has happened to me - I want to live life to the fullest. I know - what it must sound like. But it's different. I want to go apple picking. I want to go to Machu Picchu. You can be part of that. I want to share my happiness with you.

Dear Carrie-Ann,
I just wanted to write to say that I am so grateful to have you as a teacher. This is coming from me sincerely and with much appreciation. I regret to say, but am honest when I say that – especially in voice class – I have not tried the hardest I could as a student, but I am so grateful to have the opportunity to have you as a teacher. I really loved reading about The Glass Menagerie and I am really grateful to learn about Sarah Ruhl and her play Late: A Cowboy Song. Theatre is my passion. I bought the book A clean House and other plays by her and I love her writing style. I think I eventually want to write so being so exposed to such playwrights in Acting 2 has been a really great experience for me. I just wanted to write to you and say that, and I hope you have a great weekend. Thank you very much!

Dear Greg,
I am reading a play called “The Clean House” by Sarah Ruhle and thinking of you. Have you heard of it? It reminds me of the Mistakes Madeline Made, because the play revolves around cleaning and dirt and organization and messiness. A lot. Among other things. It’s amazing. It’s very great. I just wanted to recommend it to you.
I like this line in particular:

Lane: I DON’T WANT ANYTHING IN MY HOUSE TO BE CLEAN EVER AGAIN! I WANT THERE TO BE DIRT AND PIGS IN THE CORNER. MAYBE SOME COW MANUE SOME BIG DIRTY SHITTY COWS AND SOME SHITTY COW SHIT LOTS OF IT AND LOTS OF DIRTY FUCKING SOCKS – AND NONE OF THEM MATCH – NONE OF THEM – BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT – THAT IS HOW I FEEL.
And you know what? I will not let my house be a breeding ground for your weird obsessive dirt fetish. I will not permit you to feel like a better person just because you push dirt around all day on my behalf.
Lane:
Okay! I hate you!
You-glow-with some kind of – thing – I can’t acquire that – this – thing – sort of – glows off you – like a veil – in reverse – you’re like anyone’s soul mate – because you have that – thing – you have a balcony – I don’t have a balcony – Charles looks at you – he glows, too – you’re like two glowworms – he never looked at me like that.
I looked at our wedding pictures to see – maybe – he looked at me that way – back then – and no – he didn’t – he looked at me with admiration – I didn’t know there was another way to be looked at – how could I know – I didn’t know his face was capable of doing that – the way he looked at you – in my living room.
Ana: I’m sorry.
Lane: No you’re not. If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have done it. We do as we please, and then we say we’re sorry. But we’re not sorry. We’re just – uncomfortable – watching other people in pain.
On ice chocolate ice cream:
Matilde: It must be what God eats when he is tired.

Dear Jonny: I am reading this play, called “The Clean House” by Sarah Ruhl. And I am thinking of you. And I am thinking of how creative you are, and how you need to share it with the world. And how you need to do your homework, because it’s important. And how you have so much to offer the world. And how you are such a great and special person. I admire you a lot. Please always remember that.

Dear Sarah Ruhl:
I am a simple girl from a simple town. I know you must be very busy. I know you must be living your life and enjoying it. I am sure you are working on many projects. I just wanted to write to you to say thank you for publishing your play “The Clean House.” I am in complete awe. Did you always know you wanted to write? How did you decide to research about the “yew” trees? I really love “Lane makes a House Call to Her Husband’s Soul Mate.”

Dear Zach:
I am grateful to know you so far. I think great things will come of this. I think you inspire me because you see good things in me that I knew existed but sometimes I forget. They become forgotten throughout daily life. Throughout daily trials. I hope you will help remind me. I will definitely remind you. I want to help you and your faith. I want you to help me and my faith. I think you’re a wonderful person and I am looking forward very much to spending more time with you. I am reading a play, called “The Clean House” by Sarah Ruhl. And it is making me think of you. Because it is about love, and admiration, and change. And forgiveness, acceptance. And theatre makes me think of you. And jokes make me think of you, because you are funny. You have such a great sense of humor and I love it. And all of those things are involved in this play. And I think you are great, and I just wanted to tell you that. I look forward to getting to know you. You’re the type of person I’d like to go apple picking with. One on one. J
With affection,
Megan
P.S. thank you for being understanding and open enough for me to send this to you without making myself feel nervous or anything. Because I think you will appreciate it. Or atleast I hope you do. And also because I can just be myself around you and speak real words and mean them. And for that, I am grateful.
I also wanted to say to you that I wrote other people letters too, online, in my Microsoft word document, but I have only sent yours out. I felt like it was urgent. Because at this moment, all of this rings true. And it needs to be said. Because you only live once.
Have a good day =) See you soon

“You say a prayer. A prayer cleans the air the way water cleans the dirt.”

Matilde:
This is how I imagine my parents.
My mother is about to give birth to me.
The hospital is too far away.
My mother runs up a hill in December and says: now!
My mother is lying down under a tree.
My father is telling her a joke to try and keep her calm.
My mother laughed.
She laughed so hard that I popped out.
My mother said I was the only baby who laughed when I came into the world.
She said I was laughing at my father’s joke.
I laughed to take in the air.
I took in some air, and then I cried.
I think maybe heaven is a sea of untranslatable jokes.
Only everyone is laughing.

“Cell phones, iPods, wireless computers will change people in ways we don’t even understand,” Ruhl told me. “We’re less connected to the present. No one is where they are. There’s absolutely no reason to talk to a stranger anymore—you connect to people you already know. But how well do you know them? Because you never see them—you just talk to them. I find that terrifying.”

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2008/03/17/080317crat_atlarge_lahr

plays and such

2008-11-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

i love life so much, there is so much to offer in it.
college has really opened me up to so many things, so many interests.
now i just feel like there's too many to choose from.
i want it all in life, i really do.
i just want to experience.
and i love theatre, it makes me want to cry because i love it so much.
i am an emotional person, and i feel so lucky that my kindergarden teacher told my mom that i was creative.
i feel so lucky that she cared enough about me to put me in a play when i was 6 years old.
and it all started there.
let's pretend, it's all make believe, let's pretend.
it all started there.
and the sensitive side of me hasn't faded away.
i may act like i don't care sometimes, but i really do.
like a boy i know said recently, "you're a softie."
i am. it's terrible, and i used to hate it.
i used to ask myself, why can't i develop thicker skin?
but now i love it.
i just feel so in tune with everything else around me.
i can relate to others, i can appreciate art.
i can read, and let the words soak into me. and let it absorb.
appreciation, is immense.
and it is better to love than not to.
and i have so much love inside me i just don't know what to do with it!

one problem i have, is when i do homework, i go above and beyond.
when i do something, i really DO it.
when i party, i really fuckin' party, you get my drift.
[excuse my french. - ew, i hate that phrase! but whatever]
- anyway, this is a problem because i really lack time management skills.
i will do homework and just get sooo absorbed in it and i will want to put my all into it but then it's like wait, i have 3 other classes, and i have um, somewhat of a social life, and other interests besides education and besides wanting to please myself or my parents or my teacher, to prove that i am a good student, that i am more than i was in highschool, and what those people thought of me. it's funny, some teachers and guidance counselors are terribly condescending. my theatre director in highschool was towards me, in particular, but then again, you learn, they don't have it quite all together either...
rambling... i really don't like that word, either.
but i was assigned to read a play "late: a cowboy song" by sarah ruhl, who is an extremely successful contemporary playwright.
my teacher handed out the play photocopied, but i bought the entire book with all of her other plays in it.
and now i am reading the clean house, and eurydice, both by sarah ruhl, and i love it.
i feel so connected to her.
i love playwrights. they are so amazing. to share stories with others.
i feel like i could write on and on and on, and just get so wrapped up in my own thoughts...my thoughts on these plays, on these words, on this literature. and i don't mind it. i don't mind being in my own world at all.
i just feel really peaceful, and thankful. for my family, my friends, for everything.
for opportunities, for life. for my education, and for all that can come with it.

and it's all just the beginning... :)

i love teachers though. my mom is a teacher, and she is a great one. she just has so much care and love to give out to others. that makes me want to cry too, because in highschool i was such a brat to her and she just loved me so much. and she just loved me because she didn't have that love when she was growing up. and i did, and i was such a brat. but i appreciate it all now. i really do. and i just want to be the best i can be in life. i want to reach my potential.

i think i learned early on that i have something to offer the world, and to individuals.
i feel so grateful today. and happy.

and it's sincere. <3